The first part of this ugh is having to do this report for school. It is a ton of research and information that needs to be poured over.
The second part of this ugh is feeling completely down on myself. It only takes a couple of words and pointing out a couple of my faults and there I am again....completely depressed. Oh well, I think there is going to be some big changes coming soon, don't want to say yet....because as was pointed out, I have trouble following through on things. So I will keep those who care and actually read this posted.
So this is a simple blog today. We have been discussing where to move when school is over. And I have to start thinking about it now, since where I want to live is going to be where I do my externship.
Well, it is official. Shando asked me to marry him on Thursday while in Tahoe. And of course, I said yes. It was so very sweet and awesome. He also gave me the sweetest ring. I'll let everyone know when the ceremony is going to be and where. Nothing soon, but we are planning within the next year. :)
Besides that, Tahoe was awesome. The weather was great and we had a great time. I won some money playing blackjack and we went on a fun speed boat ride across the lake. Doing 60 mph across the lake was so cool.
4.20.07: T: Well, I knew things were getting bad, but not this bad. Talk about letting people down. I think I have let everyone I know down this week. Myself. Shando. Work. Life in general. WTF. What happened to me. Why do I when I have things the best fuck it up so much! I feel like I don't have much hope in my future. Growing up in a family/religion that preached end of the world since I can remember. I always thought that 'their' end of the world would have happened by now. I have nightmare about it all the time. And it scares the shit out of me. If it was going to happen, just happen already. Jeez! And I feel so disassociated from my 'blood' family. Like I have said before that it was just all a dream, some other world that I just imagined.
Well, as you can see from the dat this was a couple of weeks ago, when I was at my most down. Things have made a big turn around though. I am going back to school. Attending the California Culinary Academy starting May 21st. I have a few leads on some work. And I have been sober now going on 16 days. Woohoo. I have started back to the gym, re-connecting with some old friends and just in general in a great mood for most of the time. So there! :) Ok, I will write more later to keep you all up to date.
Cheers,
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stressed
creative